Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
