i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
