I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Randomize
