He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
it's like iHOP with fire
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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