Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
