North Korea, Best Korea!
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
