i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
