he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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