Your face is a jimmy john
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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