the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
