All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
