Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
