A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
