She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
