i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Watching her eat just hurts me
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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