If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
