Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize