You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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