have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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