did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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