I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
