and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
