Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
