Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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