Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
NoShamevember. You game?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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