Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
