Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
