He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
