worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
