you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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