got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
