mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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