Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize