the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
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