Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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