dude i'm inner monologue high
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
