I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize