matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
