Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
