On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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