Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
