I need help removing her.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He? As in you personified your dick?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize