I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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