only you would photoshop your dick
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
