They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize