just come out here and I will go home with you...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
