OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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