he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
