Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
