So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
