he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
