He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I said "one day" and that day is not today
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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