Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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