Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
