i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
