i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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