No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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