saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
