I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
