That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
