He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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