My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
