I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
