You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
