I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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