a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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