real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
