If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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