one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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